Church – PJ's Monday Musings

Monday Musings: when personal comfort and safety become idols

Comfort and safety.

Let’s all admit that we’re creatures of both.

We live in a culture where a person’s comfort and safety is seen as an inalienable right…something worth fighting for even.

At the core of every person’s views on life, religion, politics, money, relationships and everything else is a deep-down desire for their own personal comfort and safety.

And, unfortunately, this desire has seeped its way into the Church.

We idolize comfort and safety just like everyone else.

We make choices everyday based on how comfortable or safe that choice will make us feel.

At the core of religious consumerism and the “Christian ghettos” we choose to inhabit is our deep-down desire for our own personal comfort and safety.

And, the problem with that is this…

We’re actually surprised when we have to face hard things.

We’re surprised that we might actually have to take risks or to suffer as Christians…either because of our faith or simply because of the fact that we live in a world that is horribly broken by sin.

And, so we end up living risk-averse, low-impact spiritual lives in a world that desperately needs us to “turn from our selfish ways, take up our cross daily, and follow Jesus.” (Luke 9:23)

When pursuing our own comfort and safety become the driving force behind the everyday decisions that we make, we eventually become spiritually impotent people who spend more time whining and complaining about the evils of our culture instead of looking for ways to transform it.

It’s almost as if we’re surprised by the fact that it might be hard, unfair, risky, or uncomfortable to live as Christians in a God-less society.

But, the reality is we shouldn’t be surprised at all.

Suffering is part of the deal of following Jesus…our own personal comfort and safety is not.

We know this is true because Jesus said it is, and His life on earth backed it up…He really was a “suffering servant.”

It was Jesus who said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But, take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

We know this is true because Jesus’ first followers said it too, and they also went out and backed up their words with actions.

It was Peter who said…

“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.” (1 Peter 4:12-13 & 19)

As we continue to face trials and suffering in this world, may we be a people who suffer well…in a manner that pleases God.

May we be a people who keep on doing what is right even when it requires us to get out of our comfort zones, take risks, and do hard things.

And, may we do these things trusting our lives to the God who created us, always remembering that He will never fail us or abandon us.

Failing is an earth thing…and why that should give you hope

We all want hope.

We all want a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

And so we go searching for it…

We go to work hoping that we’ll like our jobs and make enough money to be comfortable.

We go to school hoping that someday all those classes will lead to a job that we’ll like and make us enough money to be comfortable.

We play sports hoping that someday we’ll get paid to play a sport we love and make us more than enough money to be comfortable.

We make friends hoping that someday we’ll find the one that we’ll spend the rest of our comfortable lives with on this earth.

But, then things go sideways.

We don’t like our jobs, or we can never seem to make enough money.

We don’t like school.

We love the sports we play, but our bodies fail us.

And, we just can’t seem to find the one.

Deep down, we ask ourselves, where can I find hope?

Because failing seems to be a big part of this world that we live in.

But, here’s where it actually gets better.

Yes, failing is an earth thing. Failing is part of living in a broken world.

But God is not of this world.

And, because God is not of this world, He doesn’t fail. (Hebrews 13:5)

We live in a world where people are searching for hope in places that ultimately fail them…work, education, money, relationships, and the list goes on.

The good news is that real, lasting, get-out-of-bed-everyday hope doesn’t fail…and it’s found in a personal relationship with God.

This is the hope we all want.

This is the hope this failing world needs.

This is really good news.

The question is…are you ready to share it?

If someone asks you today what is it about believing in Jesus that gives you hope, what would you say?

“I will never forget this awful time…
²¹Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:

²²The faithful love of the Lord never ends!^[b]
    His mercies never cease.
²³Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.
²⁴I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
    therefore, I will hope in him!” (Lamentations 3:20-24)

“…if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it.” (1 Peter 3:15b)

Why we need to be warm

As I write this, it’s a beautiful fall Monday morning here in the PNW…

Actually, it’s a beautiful, chilly fall Monday morning.

It’s one of those mornings where you wake up and everything’s covered with a layer of frost…like God saran wrapped His creation overnight with a breath of cold air.

The chilliness of the morning reminds me how much I value warmth. I like to be warm (not hot!). I like to be warm so much that when I’m cold, I’ll figure out a way to get warm again.

Warmth is inviting.

It’s something that embraces me and changes the state I’m in.

Warmth is attractive.

It accepts me when I’m cold, but it doesn’t leave me chilly.

The value of warmth though is not limited to things like body temperature. Turns out that relational warmth is important too…especially in our homes and churches.

In fact, when it comes to our kids’ faith development, family and church warmth are both key factors to their spiritual growth.

So, what does this kind of warmth look like?

A recent study describes a warm family as one where a child perceives a close relationship with one or usually both parents.*

And one of the major conclusions of this study was that kids are more likely to embrace the faith of their parents in a warm family than in a cold one.

Kids who feel relationally close to their parents tend to follow after their parents in lots of ways (including faith). On the other hand, kids who feel relationally distant, tend to walk away.

In other words, the culture that we create at home has a huge impact on the faith that is being created in our kids.

The same is true of course with our churches. Warm churches create a culture where faith grows. Whereas, cold churches create a culture where religion grows (and faith tends to die).

So, how do we create a culture of warmth in our homes and churches?

Go to God first.

God is a relational God. And, He has invited you into a warm relationship with Him. So, it only makes sense to start by praying, and asking Him for wisdom and grace as you seek to create a culture of warmth.

Go to your kids second and ask them this question…

“If you could change anything about our relationship, what would it be?” In other words, go ask your kids what would warm up your relationship with them and hear what they have to say.**

(In a church context, you might talk with your leaders about the value of building a culture of warmth in your church and then ask this question: how can we become a warm church where relationally hungry people can gather and grow and “be warm” together, and then go out and “be warm” in their communities?)

Then, do something to create warmth…

Ideas for families:

create a family group chat and use it to share things like a verse of the day or things you see or do during the day.
plan a family vacation or activity together.
pray together as everyone leaves in the morning for school/work.
put your phones away at mealtimes or when doing something all together (like playing games or watching TV).

Ideas for churches & youth groups:

create space in your services for people to share a story from their week that fits with whatever the message is that day.
plan fun activities at least once a quarter.
pray together (this is one way that you can “rejoice with those who rejoice…and mourn with those who mourn” together)
eat together.

Finally, don’t be discouraged if you find that your home or church is chillier than it should be. Creating a culture of warmth in those places may not happen overnight, but its impact in shaping people’s faith has the potential to change the state of our culture both now and in the future.

*From the 2013 study, Families and Faith: How Religion is Passed Down across Generations.

**For more ideas and insights on creating a culture of warmth in your family, check out the book Growing With: Every Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in their Faith, Family, and Future by Kara Powell and Steven Argue (especially chapter 3).

Numbers Don’t Lie: Rethinking how we measure success in youth ministry

I grew up a Blazers’ fan.

I lived in Portland, and I loved basketball, so it made sense that I would root for the hometown team.

One of my favorite players growing up was a guy named Rasheed Wallace. The dude was not a role model by any means, but he could play some serious ball.

Rasheed was a trash-talker too. One of my favorite lines he’d say a lot to opponents was, “Ball don’t lie!” If a guy missed a free throw, Rasheed would say, “Ball don’t lie!” just to mess with him and get in his head.

If you’re in ministry, I want to mess with you and get in your head for a minute.

I want to say to you, “Numbers don’t lie.”

But, the numbers I’m talking about are not the numbers we tend to measure. We like to measure how many students showed up at youth group, how many of them went on the mission trip last summer, how many of them have been baptized…I think you get the point.

I’ve heard it said before that ministries determine success by what they measure. It’s not rocket science I know, but generally we find fulfillment and success in the things that we think should count.

So, we count bodies. As in, “We had 50 bodies show up at youth group last night!” It sounds demeaning when you say it that way, but that’s how a lot of us measure success in ministry.

But, what if 25 of those 50 bodies walked out the doors of your ministry and walked away from God? Would you really feel like a success then? Could you really pat yourself on the back knowing that half the students you see on a typical youth group night end up being spiritual corpses?

I’ll admit that it’s easy to focus on what we can count easily. But, we need to stop counting bodies and start counting souls instead. We need to consider different ways to measure success in ministry.

In his book “You Lost Me: Why Young Christians are Leaving Church and Rethinking Faith,” David Kinnaman writes, “What would it look like to begin measuring things like teens’ and young adults’ knowledge of and love for Scripture, their clarity about their gifts and vocation, their willingness to listen to the voice of God and follow His direction, the fruits of the Spirit in their lives, and the depth and quality of their love and service to others?”

What would that look like? That question has been stirring in my head for a long time now. It’s made me ask some tough questions about ministry and what really is a “successful” church or youth group in God’s eyes. How would He measure success? What numbers would He count?

The fact is I think He’d look below the surface at what’s really going on in a person’s heart. And, He’d say the same thing to us as He said to Samuel right before he anointed a shepherd boy as the next king of Israel. “The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7)

Ministry is and always will be about numbers, because numbers represent people. And, people have souls. But, at a time in our culture when young people are walking away from their faith in increasing numbers, we need to reconsider the way we measure success in ministry.

“Numbers don’t lie.” What are your numbers telling you?

Forced Christian: Why Church Kids Walk Away From Church

I was a church kid.

I was born into a Christian home.

I grew up going to church like clockwork every Sunday.

I did church things…went to Sunday school, memorized Bible verses, and volunteered to help out around the church.

I checked off boxes and jumped through hoops.

I followed the Christian list of do’s and dont’s.

I was a forced Christian.

Fast-forward to 2014…

I still live in a Christian home.

I still go to church like clockwork every Sunday.

I still do church things.

I still wrestle with the boxes to check off and the hoops to jump through.

But, I am a Jesus follower.

I am also a 40-year old youth pastor who has been working with church kids for a long time now.

And, a lot of the students I work with remind me of me.

Forced Christian.

I’ve been around long enough to hear the numbers. All the surveys and studies out there that tell us that anywhere from 40-80% of students walk away from their faith after high school. The numbers are alarming…but not for the reasons you might think.

We tend to measure stuff that we can see.

So, we track stuff like how many times a kid shows up at church or youth group.

We pat ourselves on the back when we fill our youth rooms with students “on fire” for God.

We pile them into church vans and buses and take them on mission trips.

We put them on youth worship teams.

We encourage them to “get involved” and “plugged in” with the church.

We give them verses to memorize and Bible studies to read.

We train them to share their faith story with their peers.

In other words, we make the lists and the boxes they check off and the hoops they jump through.

And, then we wonder why they walk away.

A wise man once said, “Don’t judge by appearance…the Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7)

God doesn’t measure stuff we can see.

He is not a God of lists and boxes and hoops.

He never has been.

The Gospels are full of encounters Jesus had with the religious leaders of his day who measured spirituality with lists and boxes and hoops. And, Jesus had this to say about them…”Everything they do is for show.” (Matthew 23:5)

Thousands of years later, we’ve gotten pretty good at putting on a show.

Our youth groups are full of church kids who put on a show every Sunday, but haven’t ever gotten past the lists and boxes and hoops. We might think they’re Jesus followers, but in reality, many of them are nothing more than forced Christians.

They are born in Christian homes.

They go to church most Sundays.

They do church things.

They follow the rules we’ve set, but they don’t have a personal relationship with God.

And, so they graduate from high school and leave the church.

Why?

Because we taught them that it’s more important to show up once a week than it is to submit their lives to God every day of the week.

Because we taught them that praying a prayer is all it takes.

Because we taught them that complying to the rules of the church is better than conforming to the image of Christ.

Because we taught them that Christianity is more about the things you can and can’t do and less about having a personal relationship with the only One who can promise you true freedom and a “full life.” (John 10:10)

The bottom line question is this…

Are students really leaving the church (and everything it stands for & believes in), or are they simply escaping from a way of life they never truly embraced in the first place?