Parenting – PJ's Monday Musings

Thanksgiving…holiday or habit?

I love Thanksgiving…

I love the food.

I love the family and friends.

I love the football.

I love it all.

(In fact, it may even be my favorite holiday, because I just love that combination of food, family & friends, and football all in one day.)

But, it’s just one day.

Imagine if we were only thankful one day a year.

Maybe that sounds crazy, but how often do we actually celebrate what we’re thankful for the other 364 days of the year?

Is thanksgiving more of a holiday or a habit for you?

Is it something that you celebrate every day or only on special occasions?

Do you need a reason to be thankful every day or do you choose to be thankful even on your worst of days?

Are you teaching and modeling every day thanksgiving to those around you, or do they see you living in a perpetual cycle of discontent?

Thanksgiving isn’t just a once-a-year holiday.

It’s an every day choice.

And, when we choose to be thankful every day, those choices turn into a habit.

Don’t let Thanksgiving be just a holiday for you this year. Let it become a habit that you celebrate every day.

Let it become a habit that keeps pointing you (and those who are watching you) to Jesus.

Let it become such a part of our every day lives that the generations that follow us think less of thanksgiving as a holiday and more as a way of life.

¹I will exalt you, my God and King,
    and praise your name forever and ever.
²I will praise you every day;
    yes, I will praise you forever.
³Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!
    No one can measure his greatness.

⁴Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts;

(Psalm 145:1-4)

¹⁶Always be joyful. ¹⁷Never stop praying. ¹⁸Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

The kids are watching you… always watching

Anyone who has seen the movie Monster’s Inc. knows the classic line spoken by Roz to Mike Wazowski…

“I’m watching you, Wazowski! Always watching…”

Mike doesn’t really like to hear that, because you get the impression from Roz’s character that she really is watching him ALL THE TIME.

And there’s some pressure and responsibility that go along with that. There’s a lot at stake for Mike knowing that Roz is always watching.

If you are a parent or youth worker, you have little “Rozs” watching you ALL THE TIME.

And, just like with Mike, there’s a lot at stake (for them and for you).

Because the kids are watching you to see what following Jesus really looks like in a Christian culture that makes a lot of things gray.

And, what we make gray today will only get grayer for the next generation.

Here’s what I mean…

Parents (and youth workers) remember… your kids are watching you, always watching.

And, the decisions you make about things like church, entertainment, alcohol, and social media are going to have an impact on your kids whether you realize it or not.

If church attendance/participation is optional or sporadic in your family now, your kids will take it another degree or two further, and will find more excuses/reasons not to go when they are older.

If your entertainment choices are dictated more by what the culture thinks is a “good” movie or album to listen to (and less about what the Bible says is “good”), where do you think your kids will look for what is “good” when they have more freedom to make those choices?

If your approach to alcohol is casual, don’t assume that your kids will know what “casual” means or that they will have the same ability/desire to make alcohol just another element of their social lives when they get older.

If social media is a place where you vent, rant, overshare, misrepresent yourself, or spend too much time on, know that your kids are taking cues from you on things like: where their value and identity comes from, how to communicate, and how to deal with conflict (not to mention how to manage their time).

The truth is our kids will generally take the things they see in us and take them one or two (or even three) degrees further.

The gray only gets more gray…not less.

And, believe me, they are watching you.

Always watching.

Why we need to be warm

As I write this, it’s a beautiful fall Monday morning here in the PNW…

Actually, it’s a beautiful, chilly fall Monday morning.

It’s one of those mornings where you wake up and everything’s covered with a layer of frost…like God saran wrapped His creation overnight with a breath of cold air.

The chilliness of the morning reminds me how much I value warmth. I like to be warm (not hot!). I like to be warm so much that when I’m cold, I’ll figure out a way to get warm again.

Warmth is inviting.

It’s something that embraces me and changes the state I’m in.

Warmth is attractive.

It accepts me when I’m cold, but it doesn’t leave me chilly.

The value of warmth though is not limited to things like body temperature. Turns out that relational warmth is important too…especially in our homes and churches.

In fact, when it comes to our kids’ faith development, family and church warmth are both key factors to their spiritual growth.

So, what does this kind of warmth look like?

A recent study describes a warm family as one where a child perceives a close relationship with one or usually both parents.*

And one of the major conclusions of this study was that kids are more likely to embrace the faith of their parents in a warm family than in a cold one.

Kids who feel relationally close to their parents tend to follow after their parents in lots of ways (including faith). On the other hand, kids who feel relationally distant, tend to walk away.

In other words, the culture that we create at home has a huge impact on the faith that is being created in our kids.

The same is true of course with our churches. Warm churches create a culture where faith grows. Whereas, cold churches create a culture where religion grows (and faith tends to die).

So, how do we create a culture of warmth in our homes and churches?

Go to God first.

God is a relational God. And, He has invited you into a warm relationship with Him. So, it only makes sense to start by praying, and asking Him for wisdom and grace as you seek to create a culture of warmth.

Go to your kids second and ask them this question…

“If you could change anything about our relationship, what would it be?” In other words, go ask your kids what would warm up your relationship with them and hear what they have to say.**

(In a church context, you might talk with your leaders about the value of building a culture of warmth in your church and then ask this question: how can we become a warm church where relationally hungry people can gather and grow and “be warm” together, and then go out and “be warm” in their communities?)

Then, do something to create warmth…

Ideas for families:

create a family group chat and use it to share things like a verse of the day or things you see or do during the day.
plan a family vacation or activity together.
pray together as everyone leaves in the morning for school/work.
put your phones away at mealtimes or when doing something all together (like playing games or watching TV).

Ideas for churches & youth groups:

create space in your services for people to share a story from their week that fits with whatever the message is that day.
plan fun activities at least once a quarter.
pray together (this is one way that you can “rejoice with those who rejoice…and mourn with those who mourn” together)
eat together.

Finally, don’t be discouraged if you find that your home or church is chillier than it should be. Creating a culture of warmth in those places may not happen overnight, but its impact in shaping people’s faith has the potential to change the state of our culture both now and in the future.

*From the 2013 study, Families and Faith: How Religion is Passed Down across Generations.

**For more ideas and insights on creating a culture of warmth in your family, check out the book Growing With: Every Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in their Faith, Family, and Future by Kara Powell and Steven Argue (especially chapter 3).

Are we raising disciples or dropouts?

Trends and fads come and go.

Whether you rocked a mullet in the 80’s…

Wore MC Hammer pants in the 90’s…

Played THE GAME and lost in the early 2000’s, or…

Jumped on the fidget spinner bandwagon a couple years ago…

You know what I mean.

Some trends last longer than others and end up shaping our culture for generations. And, these are the trends that we must pay attention to.

Since I started working in full-time ministry back in 2000, one of these trends has been the prevalence of church dropouts among young adults (18-29 years old).

In that time, I’ve been skeptical of the alarmist claims (80% dropout rate), but I’ve also been paying attention to the data that’s out there and the trends that inform them.*

Back in 2011, the Barna Group reported that 59% of young adults with a Christian background had dropped out of church involvement-some for an extended period of time, some for good.

Less than a decade later, that number has increased to 64%.

In other words, the trend of church dropouts among young adults is moving in the wrong direction.

As parents and youth workers, we need to not only be paying attention to this trend, but we also need to be asking ourselves this question:

Are we raising disciples or dropouts?

Asking this question should lead us to another question, and that is…what’s a disciple?

A disciple is a follower of Jesus.

A follower of Jesus lives like Jesus…

AND leads others to follow Jesus.